Literata (arrives home after being gone on overnight trip): Hello kitties!
Beatrice: You came back! Good Mama. Went away. Bad Mama! Back. Good Mama.
L: Yes, but it was only for one night. You look like you were fine.
B: Was booooored. Only big kittehs and sister to play wifs. No feets to lay on. No laps! NO LAPS!!!
L (putting things down, petting kitties): Yes, but I bet you sat in my chair and didn’t have me disturb you.
B: Not point. No laps. No tummyrubs! Wants tummyrubs! (floomps over to show tummy)
L (gives tummyrubs): There, there. Tummyrubs!
B: Done wif tummyrubs. Nuffin to chase! Will chase yous! Raar!
L: Um, okay. Ooh, I’m scared!
B: No, Mama, you has to run ‘way to be scared. Den chases.
L: But sister needs pettins, too, and she can’t chase as fast. We has chasins later.
B: No, Mama. Raar! Scawy! See! Fights your feets! Fights, fights!
L: All righty then. Here, fights the ribbon.
B: Fights! Nom, nom, fights!
(five minutes later, L sits down at computer)
B: Ooh, lap! Wants up! (kneads/scratches alternately at my chair and my knee until I pick her up)
L: You can haz ups. Here we go…
B: Wants downs.
L: You just wanted ups!
B: Wants downs. Gotta go check on big kittehs and annoy sister. Also to get on Daddy lap.
L: Okay, but I’m not going to pick you up again…
B: Wants ups!
L: You just wanted downs…
B: Wants ups!
L: (sigh) Well, I know you missed me…
B: Mama back, makes laps. For sittins upon.
L: Aww, you love me!
B: Pettins! Purr, purr. Pettins! Moar!
L: Awww. Pettins!
(two minutes of serious cuddles)
B: Sooo glad Mama back. Now can has noms? Gooshy noms?
B: Iz dat big word means time to feed kitteh? Den yehs. Else no.
L: Not ‘zackly.
B: Feed! Purr, purr. Feed! Noms!
L: Right, I know. Nice to be needed, I guess.
B: Later is layin on feets.
B: Iz big word means kitteh is in charge. Den yehs. Else no.
B: Yehs! Zackly.