Literata (arrives home after being gone on overnight trip): Hello kitties!

Beatrice: You came back! Good Mama. Went away. Bad Mama! Back. Good Mama.

L: Yes, but it was only for one night. You look like you were fine.

B: Was booooored. Only big kittehs and sister to play wifs. No feets to lay on. No laps! NO LAPS!!!

L (putting things down, petting kitties): Yes, but I bet you sat in my chair and didn’t have me disturb you.

B: Not point. No laps. No tummyrubs! Wants tummyrubs! (floomps over to show tummy)

L (gives tummyrubs): There, there. Tummyrubs!

B: Done wif tummyrubs. Nuffin to chase! Will chase yous! Raar!

L: Um, okay. Ooh, I’m scared!

B: No, Mama, you has to run ‘way to be scared. Den chases.

L: But sister needs pettins, too, and she can’t chase as fast. We has chasins later.

B: No, Mama. Raar! Scawy! See! Fights your feets! Fights, fights!

L: All righty then. Here, fights the ribbon.

B: Fights! Nom, nom, fights!

(five minutes later, L sits down at computer)

B: Ooh, lap! Wants up! (kneads/scratches alternately at my chair and my knee until I pick her up)

L: You can haz ups. Here we go…

(two minutes)

B: Wants downs.

L: You just wanted ups!

B: Wants downs. Gotta go check on big kittehs and annoy sister. Also to get on Daddy lap.

L: Okay, but I’m not going to pick you up again…

(five minutes)

B: Wants ups!

L: You just wanted downs…

B: Wants ups!

L: (sigh) Well, I know you missed me…

B: Mama back, makes laps. For sittins upon.

L: Aww, you love me!

B: Pettins! Purr, purr. Pettins! Moar!

L: Awww. Pettins!

(two minutes of serious cuddles)

B: Sooo glad Mama back. Now can has noms? Gooshy noms?

L: Mercenary.

B: Iz dat big word means time to feed kitteh? Den yehs. Else no.

L: Not ‘zackly.

B: Feed! Purr, purr. Feed! Noms!

L: Right, I know. Nice to be needed, I guess.

B: Later is layin on feets.

L: Taskmistress.

B: Iz big word means kitteh is in charge. Den yehs. Else no.

L: Familiar.

B: Yehs! Zackly.